Asshole Lovers


All this pain this weekend

There is too much pain


We sit here together

Rendered powerless


Women and men alone,

Agonizing anguish

Asshole lovers gone

Hope for fulfillment gone with them


We were asshole lovers


I blamed my emasculation on her

But it is not she

Who rendered me impotent

She did not take my passion from me

I drank it away,

Spent it where it got sucked away

In spurts of nothing

That left me with nothing


I yearned to be loved

But I sabotaged her love

I strayed from my inner core

I cannot love anymore

My heart has turned to stone


Yet that is not true


I sit in the midst of other people rendered impotent in their anguish

I want to reach out and cry with them in their pain

I want to put my arm around them

Console them

Yet even the simple act of consoling a friend

With an arm on her shoulder

Has become complex for me

Tangled in a web of human touches

Twisted into knots of use and abuse


My passion lies in a love letter

Written years ago to her

Crumpled now

Discarded onto a pile of dirt

In a back alley

Beside two feet

Extending from beneath a dumpster


I need to find that letter

A crumpled piece of paper

Recovered from the back alley


Edges smoothed

Lying on the table now

Ink smudged by tears that burn my eyes

My letter haunting words


We sit around the table

Our heads in our hands

Crumpled love letters lying in front of us

Our chests heaving with repeated sobs of anguish

Amidst rivers of tears that we can’t stop in our grief


Death has brought us grief


We were asshole lovers


We are the living dead

Until we push away from the table

To find our tortuous way back

To that place

Where we can love ourselves again

…and others

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